Basra, 1st December 2003

And so the end is nigh... the good news is that we are being brought forward and must be prepared to move from tomorrow night. As you can imagine the blokes are gutted. Like the departure from Blighty another mad rush to get everything sorted. However no doubt once we're all ready to go we'll sit on our bergans till the New Year whilst the RAF dust off and tape up their Sopwith Camel troop transporters.

So more than enough time to reflect on the tour. All in all we can't really complain in and out in just under 3 months and then back home for tea and medals- or in my case just the tea. A couple of moments of high drama, a few more of high farce, a lot of thumb twiddling (or its Arabic equivalent sand counting) and a faded suntan. This story has got it all, and I'm sure will soon become an accepted bed fellow with the other great narratives of men and warfare, For Whom the Bell Tolls..., Reach for the Sky..., The Cruel Sea..., Combat Choirboys.

Though there will, amidst the half truths and blatant lies, be only one episode of real excitement (though not a 'near death episode' it could almost pass as a 'just round the block from death episode'), the coolness with which your hero handled the occasion would not surprise you. Unfortunately as it all happened so quickly his sang froid under fire was purely because he did not realise the danger until 10 seconds after it had passed.

I suppose though that I have been lucky (that and spending far to much time staring at map boards), this is definitely the most volatile place we have served so far, borne out by the fact that one of our blokes has been the target of 4 separate shooting and bomb attacks throughout the tour (one lucky punter I won't be sitting next to on the plane).

Though my personal contribution to the new Iraq will not recorded for posterity on tablets of stone, I do believe that the collective military effort is definitely justified. (Here's the serious bit, scroll down now before it gets too heavy).Whatever our reasons behind going to war there can be no doubt that our presence here is improving the lives of the Iraqi population. Saddam was an evil bastard who for decades had terrorised the population of a country and sucked its immense wealth dry. A few weeks ago i was up in Baghdad and we were standing in one of Saddam's immense palaces in the city. The guy i was with said that the scale and opulence reminded him of Ceausescu's (spelt wrong but you know who I mean) palace in Romania. The difference in Iraq though is the fact that Saddam didn't just build one of these massive complexes- there are over 50 dotted all over the country. The evidence of his other major expenditure lies rusting all over the desert. The amount of military ordinance that sits burnt out and useless is hard to comprehend. Just one of the 100s of captured ammunition dumps that we have found is larger than the whole American national reserve of ammunition. Crossing over the border to Kuwait, a country with oil deposits smaller than Iraq's, emphasises the disparity in standards of living. The mismanagement and corruption of Saddam's regime is the only reason why Iraqis are driving donkey casts whilst their Kuwait neighbours drive BMWs.

So the situation in Iraq is currently stable but fragile, unfortunately I think that the new American timetable is premature. Whilst there is a need to demonstrate that the occupying powers want to hand the control of the country back to its inhabitants, and does not intend to sit there and suck its resources dry, the timetable for handover is, for all the wrong reasons, too quick. There can be no doubt that the increasing American casualties in the north (more in November than in the whole fighting phase of the war) and the forthcoming Presidential election have forced Bush's hand.

However the indigenous forces of law of order lack the confidence, credibility and integrity to take the lead and the IGC and others have little grasp of the realities of the democracy they have voted for. Having voted for a Provisional Government in July 04 they have just woken up to the fact that they have effectively voted themselves out of a job. All the various factions, of which there are many, are now putting forward motions to ensure their own appointees are guaranteed places on the government and to ensure their own right to veto the candidates of the other parties- obviously some way to go before they grasp the fundamentals of democracy.

Sorry international affairs lesson over. Back to more important subjects- am ashamed to report that my overarm serve in volleyball is still slightly pathetic- apparently the wrists still aren't firm enough. I have masted the Arabic script and learnt the Arabic alphabet, but unfortunately still cannot yet tell whether the Iraqi who greets me every morning is indeed saying 'Good Morning' or 'Screw you you big nosed tosser'- so am some way from full fluency. And have read some relatively grown up books. So that is a list of my achievements on the tour. Here is a list of those missions not accomplished:

1. Found Saddam
2. Found an American sense of humour
3. Fired a shot in anger - or even by mistake
4. Opened up an Arabic outlet for Horrocks' quality shagpile
5. Thought of a decent excuse why I shouldn't spend the next 6 months of my life in South Armagh

Yes talk about out of the frying pan into the tub of lard. Northern Ireland- a place where getting a puncture on patrol is a serious incident. So on that depressing note, I hereby issue warning that as that incarceration looms large in the New Year, I fully intend to make this Christmas as festive as possible - on current form that will mean passed out by nine. So thank you for all your letters, eblueys, e-mails and parcels (oh yes and not to forget Beefcake's generous one liner 6 weeks ago), all very much appreciated. Look forward to seeing you sometime soon.

Now it's all up to the RAF so don't hold your breath.