After 4 days sitting in the desert trying to stop the sand blowing up my hoop have finally twigged that the only safe haven from it is in the internet shack. So you can blame the desert, if it hadn't been for those pesky grains of sand i would not have blown the cobwebs off myl acount and pestered you with e-mails-it's amazing despite all those years off line some bastard still seems to remember certain of my 'personal inadequicies' and throughout the last 3 years has still been sending me the 'get ripped quick' and penis enlargement adverts. Well at least a full inbox makes one feel popular.
Anyway arrived here 5 days ago and are still acclimatising before we join the international game of hide and seek for Sadman Hussein. If you happen to see him down the market in Clapham (where he is much more likely to be) would you please inform him that when I finish sweating I will be coming-ready or not. In the meantime we sit in the sand and lose body mass, am currently unsure of my commitment to the war effort or my role in Saddam's Downfall-can only assume at the moment that it is cheaper to keep me out in the desert than it is to keep me in Edinburgh. So to avoid me having to delete my entire inbox without reading it please get in contact. However if your name is Mr Peter Nis do not expect me to read it.
Mark, I hope you got the message that I wouldn't be able to meet you at the airport yesterday. I tried your various numbers, on one got a bleary eyed German speaker (I don't think we bonded) and then a girl who sounded suspiciously like an ex-girlfriend who gave me the wrong number for your mobile. If you didn't get the message then you'll still be at the airport and probably pretty peeved, so I won't expect a Christmas Card.
That's all.
P.S if anybody knows when the bloody tide comes in would appreciate if they would let me know. Have packed my best Speedos and am eager to deploy them in earnest
20 September 2003
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